Where I stand

Feeling whole, feeling small

And free and capable

All the big jobs in front of me

Seem small

How can it be?

With God at the center of it all

Relying on His power, and strength

Which I have confidence in

All that I must do…seems like a simple

Spoonful

The mountain in the distance

Well, I don’t even see it when I am holding God’s hand

I only see the green valley, and the butterflies

And crickets and the sun’s rays filtering through

The leaves on the giant oak by the creek.

I am able to stay in the moment, not look behind me

Or try to stretch my neck to see what’s on the

Other side.

I can stand, survey my surroundings, and see the beauty

Right where I am.

Listen to the sounds of the brook

Look into the water at the animal and plant life

That is so abundant

No longer obsessed with ‘getting’ up and over

The big gray rock.

I can even sit on the grass

And admire the little caterpillar that is so colorful

That is nearly under my feet.

My desire to actually stay where I am, increases, to admire

All the blessings in my vicinity, so abundant.

I am in awe and shocked that I was trying to get away

From what I thought was a ‘bad’ place.

It is actually a beautiful place,

A serene place.

But fear created clouds and shutters

that blocked out my ability to see all of this.

When I cling to man, and expect him to give me this peace,

Then it slips away.

When I hold on to eternal truths: God promises for a good life

God’s amazing power and grace, God’s desire to bless me

God’s unfailing love, God’s mercy, God’s perfect plan for me

God’s infinite wisdom, God’s bridge to mankind-making himself a man

In the name of Jesus, so that he could come to earth, that same man that

Created the whole universe, the earth and everything from the very beginning

When I can dwell on these truths---then abundant peace flows through my veins.
And the view from where I stand is beautiful.

Rest

The white room splashed with colors

Aqua blue, brilliant yellow, neon green

Images, bursting with life, splatter in my home.

I find myself cherishing the very tiny things that

Used to slip by. Unnoticed.

Voices creating a symphony with their simple sounds

Light snoring, gently sleeping beside me, an angel

At my feet, another angel, not ready to be alone

In his new ‘all boy’ room.

“Yes, you can lay here till you fall asleep.”

I promise to take him to his bed after he has fully embraced

‘dream world’

His long lean body, relaxed at my feet, head on pillow, chest rising and falling

With the quilt rolled up beside him.

Beside me, my little girl, curled up with her book.

Her warm back pressed on mine. I close my eyes, hear the pages turn.

Listen to her little sniffle and soft breathing.

The ceiling fan keeps the cool air moving. I try to stay awake, to be aware of the love God sent me, at my feet, and at my back.

But the lush surroundings take me to a green meadow, with a clear brook, small deer lapping up the crystal water. Birds chirruping to welcome the morning.

I lay in the green valley, sheltered by majestic gray mountains. Wind blows over my body, keeping it cool and refreshed.

Before I begin my walk beside the brook, I wake up. My son, slumbering at my feet, sighs heavily. I wake him with a whisper. “Come on. Let’s go get in your bed.”

He stands up, keeps his eyes closed, trusts me to walk him to his room.

I tuck him in, he rolls over and slides back to sleep.

I return to my room, my daughter is asleep with a book. The lamp is on.

I climb in bed, leave the lamp on, and rest.

The storm is over.

Rest.

What I Live For

What I Live For

Till they went away.

I thought I knew what got me up in the morning

And what helped me sleep at night.

Voices, talking, singing, arguing

“She won’t leave me alone!”

“What’s for dinner?”

Quiet moments that were a moment too short.

Now the quiet goes on and on and on.

Love, pouring it out on another

Gives me life,

More than I ever really knew or understood.

Spontaneous hugs

Bedtime prayers

Brushing hair

Shared meals

“Time to do your chores.”

“Can we play the Wii?”

I haven’t heard those in two weeks

And I’m afraid I’ve forgotten how.

All I want to do is hug them,

Pull them close and not let go,

Kiss their faces till they turn red,

Fall down into my bed tired…so tired that I don’t even

Realize that I”ve fallen asleep.

Tomorrow they’ll be home

For two short days.

Then I’ll say good-bye for another week

Of quiet.

Then it will be over for a while

Because they will come home

Vacation over, start back to life.

And I can rest in the chaos once again.

It's what I live for.

It's what I love for.

Shhh!

The highway noise

Blasting like dynamite

From all directions

Trucks crashing

Sirens blaring

Jack hammers pounding cement

Cover the cries

Of a small whisper

“Shhh!

Listen,

What’s that?”

The big lady

With cotton in her ears

Keeps talking

The unassuming woman

Waiting on a subway

Puts down the book she’s reading

And walks towards the staircase.

With certainty

She climbs towards the raging traffic.

 In the drainage ditch

A wet, shaking kitten

Mouths a voiceless meow.

She picks it up

Holds next to her heart and

 strokes its shivering body

With gentle hands.

“I heard you. It’s going to be okay.”

Pain and Peace

Peace and Pain

How can the pain bring me peace?

I lay on the sofa, in a ball

Holding on to the truth

That pulls me into the place of peace

I twist and turn

And try to press the pillow into

My soul

I see her face, twisted like my heart

She doesn’t understand

Can’t understand

That I passed my pain to her

Instead of walking away

I tried to stop the train with my hands

It crushed me

The metal flew around

I tried to hold my hands up

To make a shield with my weak arms

The pieces rained down

I grabbed her, ran

Hid under the trees till the

Clanging metal became a disturbing silence

As I slip into a sleep

She sneaks away

Begins rummaging through the wreckage

She finds detached limbs

Rotting carcasses

Frozen screaming faces

A baby cries in its dead

Mother’s arms

She walks towards it

Picks it up

And brings it back to me

She asks me to hold it

Nurture it, protect it, love it

I give it all I have

But it’s not enough

My milk dries up

The baby cries at night

The howls are never-ending

She wraps the baby

And slips away

I scream, telling her not to leave

She doesn’t hear me

Because the old wreck has started

To fall in on itself

Sink holes appear

Behind her as she runs towards a shack

I see a small stream of smoke

From a chimney in the distance

I know she’s there

Seeking refuge and comfort

I leave my place in the woods

And walk to a waterfall

Place my feet in the clear cool water

And watch the tadpoles swim

In a little pool

I am refreshed

I have pain

And I have peace

It Rained Today

It Rained

Today it rained inside

Of my heart.

Drops of water trickled down my chest

And landed on my heels.

I looked down and saw a puddle

Had formed around my feet.

The reflection showed a blue sky

Instead of dark scary clouds.

“How can rain fall from a blue sky?”

I wondered.

But now I see the answer.

If I need water, it will rain,

Even if the sky is blue.

Things can’t grow without water.

And I must need the nourishment

Or I wouldn’t have streams of

Silver wetness covering me

As if I had been standing in a waterfall.