What can I say?

I walk outside, the crisp air hits my face
the yellow leaves wave and some fall down
in a nice soft cascade
to cover the green carpet.

I sit in my cozy chair
But something pushes me up and out
and I end up walking back in the house

I love the fall, this air, the colors
Why am I inside?
I want to be outside
But I don't want to be outside.

It's such a beautiful day,
a beautiful moment
God's beauty all around me.
It fills me with hope and inspiration

But today, there is a GLARING
empty seat beside me.
I tell myself that I don't care anymore
That I am perfectly fine
living life as a single person.
I tell myself that
I am content this way.
And most of the time I am.

But today, I am not.
So I stay inside.

The quiet weekends

When my kids are gone.
I have to make myself shower.
It's like I'm in a dark, damp world
when my house is empty.
And I think my mind pushes me
to find that place in the physical world.
Water washes off that darkness
And then I feel like I've betrayed
my real self.


Single parenthood