Atlanta Blacklight Run Atlanta Motor Speedway Oct 24, 2015

From Couch to 5 K

Yep. I joined the club. Six weeks ago I picked an event that looked fun, exciting. Something that would distract me from the word exercise. It worked. My first week I stepped off the porch, set my little timer, and trudged around the yard for 15 minutes. I came inside, drank a glass of water, and put a little check mark beside Monday's goal. Two days later, I repeated this event. I walked around the perimeter of my yard, stopping for one or two seconds to study the bark on my trees. My neigbhor, on his riding lawn mower, waved and smiled.
Fast forward six weeks.
I didn't walk on every designated day. But almost. The week before the race, I walked for 40 minutes straight. The friend who walked with me that day, had her fit bit on. She sent it to me later that evening. 3.4 miles! What? That couldn't be right. It seemed impossible. Because I didn't hurt, I didn't wheeze. I was just thirsty. "So, now I'm definitely ready for Saturday. It's only 3.1 miles."

Last night was the event I'd waited for. Wear a white T-shirt. Get doused with glowing powder. Listen to upbeat dance music. Before and after.
"Just walk for 40 minutes." I told myself at the beginning of the race.

When I stepped up the start line. The announcer said, "Walkers to the left. Ya'll are group 3. Have fun! Go!"

I hugged the left. I walked at a steady pace. When I checked my timer it said, 10 minutes.
"One quarter there! Yes, I can do this!"
I listened to folks conversations.
"I hear the move War Room is great. You think it's still playing in the Carrollton Theatre?"

How ironic. I used to live in Carroll County. As I trailed behind the thin Carrollton women, I wondered if I knew them.

I checked my stop watch, 20 minutes. "Half way there!"
A 64 year old women to my left said, "It's my 64th birthday and I'm doing my first 5K!"
"Me too. I'm 52 and I have arthritis."
"I have lupus." She added, not sure if she was bragging or just stating a fact.
"Hey, we're half way there!" I tried to encourage her.

Oh, how wrong I was. When I crossed the finish line my stop watch read one hour and 8 minutes. I'm convinced I walked a 10 k.

I've been researching all morning on google. I can't find ONE review of this race.
So I decided to post my own.

It was fun. It was colorful. But it was NOT a 5K. Does anyone know how far it actually was? If so, please post the answer for me.

Thanks.

Snipping Cables

Woven steel cables, hooked, like marionette wires, to my back.

Snip, snip, snip

Ka-ching, Ka-ching

They drop to the tile floor, bouncing behind me, like springs from a ball point pin

I take a step, and glide forward

Floating, almost, towards the door

I look behind me

The 6 wires, that were embedded in my skin, my soul

Have fallen limp, lifeless

I take another step and feel as if someone, or something

is carrying me under my arms.

I am almost weightless

Free to move forward

To new life

New love

Letting it go

I'm letting go the dreams
The wishes
The plans
That I had for her.

She's making her own life.
Making choices that used to bring me
extreme pain.

In letting go of her
I am also letting go of the pain.

I feel peace.
Serene

Because her pain is hers.
My pain is mine.

I can see the twists and turns
of the road she has been on.
But I am not the navigator.
She is.

I can shine a light to guide.
But she might not want to be in the light.

And that is what we call free will.
Freedom to choose.

And I love her more, I think, today
Now that I let her go.

changes

Things pulling and pushing
My head feeling like a hammer is knocking on it
gently
So that things will break apart
I've been driving, moving, stacking, running,
sleeping, praying, crying, laughing
hurting, holding, praying, sighing, wondering
hoping, laying, looking, scanning, wandering
sitting, standing, reading, working, longing,
and now I sit in the quiet room.
In front of this screen.
with a sad heart.
In five days, i will be taking apart my old life
and putting it in boxes
and loading it on a truck
To move into my new life
When I touch some of the items,
I'm certain that many of them will crumble under my hand
Others, will feel like a cold stone, heavy and cumbersome
Behind the curtains, what will there be?
A small babydoll with a missing eye
A toy truck with only 3 wheels

The life I tried to fix, before my kids grew up.
Always running around hoping to stay ahead of them
by a step or two.

Now I sit in the quiet, pondering the bird chirping outside  my door.
What is he saying to me?
I think I will go listen to him.

Maybe he will tell me what I need to do next.

Roller Coaster of Justice

The rollercoaster of justice
curves that press my face against and unseen force
Then, as the train slowly climbs,
with sounds of metal wheels clicking
rapidly, then slowly
click, click, click
At the top, a brief rest
Looking out over the landscape
I see the whole picture
It is lovely
Green trees, patchwork pieces of land
Small serene lakes
I inhale and feel my lungs expand
with life.
A jerk backwards, my neck thrown a little too far
past the point of comfort
A slight twinge of pain
Before the plummeting
pressure of pain
whips through my being.
A complete blur
I grab the metal sides
of the train
and open my mouth
for a silent scream

plumbers

It seems that water creates most of the maintenance issues in my home. I'd much rather it be water than electricity.
Plumbers for the most part, are nice people.
I mean, who can stay on their knees for their work, and not be humble?
Really, it's like they are in a state of prayer.
And what are they dealing with? Water
Water is a symbol for life.
How can you work with water all day
and not think of the most basic element to all of the life
on planet earth?
I think it would be impossible.
Do plumbers get thirsty?
Do plumbers by bottled water?
Do plumbers get a rush when they turn the valves
and feel the vibration of water coursing through
the veins of a home?
I'm guessing they do.
And I think that is why
I like plumbers.

A stake through my heart.
I tap it gently, a little every day
Making sure the edges are sealed

Then I trip, bump into a picture
or a coach, or a tennis shoe,
or a baseball laying in my yard

A basketball, flat on one side
and a blade of grass blowing in front of it.
The wind blows the blade of grass
and I turn my back to the breeze
So I won't see the waving on the grass
Like the waving of hand
which I thought was a temporary farewell

If I had known it would be forever
I would have held on just a little tighter
and a little longer

I may have ended up with torn lightaments in my elbows
and shoulders
As they pried you away from me
But atleast I could have slept
that night, and all the others that follow

When I wake up at 3 am now,
my heart racing
I jump, alert
And want to run to to your room
to see you sleeping peacefully

But I only get up
and walk by your door
Knowing that it is just for storage
of other people's things
And my heart
broken
lying all over the room

And I tap the stake in my heart while I wander back to bed
And I pray that you are sleeping with the angels
Because they aren't in my house anymore
They left with you
And I am left with the shell of a house
That used to be our home

And I don't want to be here anymore.
This place is simply a container
of grief, and loss, and tears of a thousand years
and a hundred sleepless nights

Flu

At 51, the flu knocked me down, like a freight train. I've been sick a week, 7 days. And it feels like forever. Depression is bearing down on me, too. I wonder will I ever feel like myself again.