changes

Things pulling and pushing
My head feeling like a hammer is knocking on it
gently
So that things will break apart
I've been driving, moving, stacking, running,
sleeping, praying, crying, laughing
hurting, holding, praying, sighing, wondering
hoping, laying, looking, scanning, wandering
sitting, standing, reading, working, longing,
and now I sit in the quiet room.
In front of this screen.
with a sad heart.
In five days, i will be taking apart my old life
and putting it in boxes
and loading it on a truck
To move into my new life
When I touch some of the items,
I'm certain that many of them will crumble under my hand
Others, will feel like a cold stone, heavy and cumbersome
Behind the curtains, what will there be?
A small babydoll with a missing eye
A toy truck with only 3 wheels

The life I tried to fix, before my kids grew up.
Always running around hoping to stay ahead of them
by a step or two.

Now I sit in the quiet, pondering the bird chirping outside  my door.
What is he saying to me?
I think I will go listen to him.

Maybe he will tell me what I need to do next.