Mud

I wake up with that familiar heaviness
My body pushes through the muddy past
Trying to find the surface so I can breath
I push, but there's only more mud

I slip down, and then decide to just sit in the mud for a while
It is familiar and warm
but it is heavy
And I'm too tired to carry anything heavy anymore

This place that I'm in, I used to think of as
the past
But it's not
It's the present
And on many occasions, the mud isn't here
But today, it is
The rain came down hard, 5 inches at once
And instead of washing things clean
Created mud puddles
I'm pretty good at dancing around them

But when I see someone else dodging them,
And getting mud on themselves
I get this feeling of guilt
Because I somehow, feel like I made the mud

Its odd that mud is simply dry dirt with water added.
As long as it was dry dirt, I could stomp around
But the rain came, when I prayed for a way out

Yes, I had a boat, and I sailed away.
But the rain came, the torments, the tornadoes
The wind, the hail

Storms that created damage to everything it hit.
Hurricanes get names
But this storm didn't get one
If I could name it....

Basher, Crasher, Smasher
Tormentor, Terrorist
Definitive Disaster
Blasting Blight
Washout

When you see an animal back away from something, squinting it's eyes
You know that it sees danger
With its body crouched down and the tail tucked
Its clear what they are feeling

When you see that same response in a child
It hurts to the core
Because you remember that feeling
And maybe the child is stronger than you were
Nevertheless
Your stomach is in a knot
Recalling the storm that ripped around your house for years
And sucked your children out windows that weren't even open

They smiled, thinking it was a ride
But now you see the scars
No one speaks of the tornado
It's like the pink elephant in the room

We must still tip-toe around it
For a little while longer

And when the child comes to me
I will be here
To hold them, wipe a tear, laugh, cry, look at a sunset
or listen to a song

Blackberry Heaven

 The grass is tall and golden behind my house

It looks like a field you'd see in Kansas

The colors vary from green to light golden, and during a drought- a sad brown

There's a patch  beneath a large oak in the field, that looks like weeds

I've never explored that region on my walks, so I'm not sure what it is

A few weeks ago I changed my walking route, and decided to follow the fence line which leads to a small creek.

The grass was up to my knees, and the further down the hill I went, the more briars I discovered yanking and scraping my ankles 

While removing some of the thorns, I noticed a small green berry under the white blossom

"Oooooh, this looks like a blackberry bush. "

Today, I headed out to check on the wild bushes, hoping to see a few ripe berries.

I put on long pants and my garden boots and headed out just after sunrise.

I unlocked the rusty chain that hung loosely on the gate. The grass is taller now, and a deep golden hue. Hugging the fence line, I walked in a straight line. My eyes stayed peeled to the ground, in case a snake was creeping at my feet.

As I approached the corner of our yard, I glanced down and saw black and red berries. 

"What! Berries right here, at the corner?!" Just steps away from my back door, the first bush smiled at me. I began picking the berries, avoiding the thorns. I took a few steps, and there was another bush, this one was loaded with heavy ripe berries. 

"Abundance, right here, right beside my house, and I never saw them! I've been here 7 years, and never saw them."

I felt a sense of humility, the generosity of God is amazing. I did nothing to create these berries. I didn't water, fertilize or nurture these. Yet, I get to enjoy them. It's a gift handed to me. Literally, at my finger tips. I felt a rush of emotions: gratitude, joy, love. An awareness of the abundance here for me, if I will simply walk on a new path.

Thank you God for showing me your glory today.