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Thursday, May 30, 2019

God Gave me Zinnias

Last year I tossed a huge cluster of dried up zinnias over the back fence.
The cows stepped on them, nibbled on them and probably pooped on them, too.
As the fall came, I tossed leftovers: slimy broccoli, old grits, forgotten gravy over the fence.
Don't let me forget about the blackened bananas that were 'one day soon' going to become banana bread.
As winter came, I tossed forgotten baked potatoes, wilted celery and yellow spinach over the fence.


A few weeks ago, on a warm spring day, I carefully poured potting soil into sculptured cement squares.
5 days later,  little green shoots emerged, reaching for the sky.
2 days later, they leaned over.
1 day later, they turned brown.
And I am sad, because I love zinnias.

Let me tell you some history now. Every year, for nearly 16 years, I've planted zinnias. Not so I can have flowers, but for the weeds.

Yes, I planted flowers for the sole purpose of pulling weeds.
"It'll help you express your feelings." A wise woman told me.
I wanted my life to change, so I listened to her.
When I'd feel anger rise from my feet, and fly towards my face, I'd step outside to visit the weeds.
Kneeling down, I'd yank the weeds by their roots.
Interesting strings of words formed in my head as I pulled.
'Why does it have to be this way? Why can't I....Why can't he...My life isn't..."
I'd pull for a while, I'd sweat and make a pile of weeds, then I'd go back inside. Calmer. 

That's how it started anyway.
Things changed. No. I changed. I wasn't angry anymore.

I began talking to God while I weeded. He showed me that I needed let go of the things I couldn't change.
With a clear head, I made better choices. 
I continued to plant zinnias, and they greeted me each day as I came home from work.
I had a large flowerbed beside my mailbox, then another one beside my garage.
The large multi-colored blossoms were quite brilliant.
They made a fabulous back drop for photos of my kids, kids friends, pets, just about anything looked more beautiful with the zinnias behind them.

I have a new home, a new life and no more anger.
So, I planted the zinnias. I used the best potting soil. I watered them faithfully. They died.

I consoled myself.
"Oh well, we have lots of others that are doing great."
But I wanted zinnias.

Last week, I walked to the back fence, to toss out some old spaghetti.
I looked down, and noticed some little round green leaves amongst the grass and weeds.
They looked familiar.
"Maybe it's the sunflowers I planted last year that never grew." I told my husband.

I've kept an eye on them for two weeks, waiting to see them shoot up and grow smiling sunflower faces.
Yesterday, I studied these little green plants, that are now about 6 inches high. 
One of them had a bud on it.
"It's a zinnia!" I hollered to no one except myself.

I opened the gate to the back field last night, and walked to the area where I saw the zinnias
The grass is above my knees, almost to my hips,
But I could see small green leaves, five, ten, no, twenty, oh there's another one and another...
"Twenty eight zinnias!" I hollered to my husband as he sat on the back porch.

This morning, I got up around 6:15 and went to check on my zinnias.
One is about to bloom.
The other 27 are in the tall grass.
"I must weed!"
I marched inside, found a pair of scissors and went back to the field.
Blade by blade, I trimmed the grass, cut away the weeds, to give the zinnia's a chance to show me their beauty.

Throwing dead things over the fence is important.
When I let go, then God can give me beauty.
God gave me zinnias.
Effortless Zinnias.





Friday, April 26, 2019

Almost 18

Fuzzy blonde head
Bluest blues
Crawled out of bed
Ran to get the ball
Said "Bootball" to everyone in the Piggly Wiggly
Jumped, climbed, ran, jumped again, climbed higher, kept running

Picked a flower
Cut the grass
Chopped a tree
Hugged my neck

I wiped his tears
He wiped mine
Asked deep questions
About love, and life and God and Jesus
Asked for angels to sit on our roof
with shields, and swords, and helmets
to protect us at night

Outside till dark
Riding his bike till his cheeks were red
Pushed a wheelbarrow for
Miss Mary
Rode his bike in circles around me
while I walked to unwind

Blonde hair touches his shoulders
Fuzzy chin if he forgets to shave

He loves Tuesday's gone
Panera Bread
Sitting on his bed listening to
Cage the Elephant
Learning new guitar chords

I visit his school
He lights up with pride
"My mom is here'
The math teacher speaks of his smarts
"He's almost 18"
I hear myself say it
"Fourteen days."
He hollers across the parking lot
as he says good-bye to Joey
His long hair blows in the breeze

And my heart swells with a love
That only a mother can understand
What I'd give up for him
What I'd do for him

He came to me at 37
The blessing of being older
is you cherish every minute
You try hard to stop and absord the moments
The sights, the smells, the laughter, the pain
Because you know it will be gone
In a flash

You have wisdom at 38, that you wish you didn't have
You have more wisdom at 40, understanding that those soft little cheeks
will soon be square
And the soft, high voice, will soon drop
At 45, you understand that its time to let go
Because boys become men
So you loosen the grip
And pray real hard

Then, when he is almost 18
He reaches out to me
To hold my hand
And wipe my tears

Because he is almost 18
And he understands




Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Stevie

The woman

Flowing dress, spinning on stage
Arms raised, touching the sounds
Lifting the music for us to see

Her rough voice strokes our souls
The soft touch of a wispy scarf
carries the notes to us

The culture tells me
Its better to embrace the masculine
So that I can have power
And strength

Yet Stevie spins and sings
And waves her female spirit across the air waves
I'm on the verge of fifteen
And I want to be like Stevie

Flowing dress, spinning on stage
Arms raised, touching the sounds
Lifting the music for us to see

Her rough voice, strokes our tired souls
The soft touch of a wispy scarf
carries the notes to us

Stevies voice drowns the angry chatter of feminists
seeking to smash my womanhood

Thank you Stevie
For sharing your sweet shrine of lace and pearls
and long dresses

Now I embrace my feminine soul
For it has more strength and power
Than a 3-piece suit


Saturday, December 1, 2018

The Shoes

The Shoes

The shoes, gray, worn, with a small hole near the big toe area
Carrying the young man
In his daily life
To school and back
To the driveway to shoot baskets
To the batting cages to hit baseballs
To the driveway to take the dog for a walk

Occasionally, to my car to come for a visit

"Where are my shoes? I can't find them."

"Just grab another pair......"

No, there isn't another pair.
Just the one. pair. of. shoes.

"Do you need another pair?"
"No, I just need one pair."

******************************************************

"Nice boots!" I say "Let me see them." I add
He takes them off and I notice the details, the stitching, the zipper 
He tries them on, "I think they are too big. I didn't try them on, I just grabbed them cause the store was about to close."

We exchange them for a pair that fit perfectly.

******************************************************
I'd like to get another pair of nice shoes, like these boots."
"Well lets go to Kohl's or JCPenny's and see what they have."
Boots on, boots off
Boots on, boots off
Brown, black, gray
Gray and tan
Zippers, no zippers

"These gray ones are nice."
"Yes, they are."

The milk lets down, without a thought
My shirt is damp now

******************************************************


"I think I need a new pair of tennis shoes, do you think we could go shopping for some?"
As a tide rolls in and crashes naturally on the beach, my love rolled out and saturated the sand.

The jetty, once 10 feet high, 
built to keep the waves off the sand, and sea oats, and beach morning glories
Disappeared.

******************************************************
Buy one get one 50% off
"Let's find a pair of black boots"
Here comes the flood of milk
It runs down and out
saturating my soul
My feet are standing in a puddle of love
The gate, opened by the child himself, allows the milk to flow

As an over-full breast aches and pounds with a desire to be free
My heart's cork has been pulled out, by the hand of a child, 
my last one,
my baby boy
now a  young man
But will always remain, forever, my child
And I will forever have a flow of love for him
As every mother has for her child
No matter the age, or circumstance or condition of life

******************************************************

Milk flows and flows and flows
And the ache ends
And the chest relaxes
And the tears of joy cascade into a puddle
and mix with the milk
And the puddle shows the colors of love

Saturday, June 16, 2018

5:30 am

I'm up at 5:30 am, reading another chapter of Eat, Pray Love, and I'm not worried about myself, or anyone else. Strange. Yes. This is strange for me. If I'm up at 5:30 am, ANYDAY, then it's because I'm worried. I don't usually know what I'm worried about, I just get that feeling that somebody, somewhere, is in danger. Like, a bear is about to eat them, they are pinned against a tree. Or they are on a boat, sound asleep, and it's sinking. And, while I don't fear death, I do think that drowning would be the worst way to go. Maybe because I love to swim so much, and have found peace, in very large amounts, while underwater.
It's been 46 days since the atom bomb blue up in my lap, so this being able to enjoy a 5:30 am moment, is a miracle. I realized I just typed the word 'blue' instead of 'blew," but i think the color is more accurate. I've been in a bucket of blue for some time now. Not just 46 days, off and on, pretty much for the past couple of years.

A pending custody case had me in a holding pattern. That's over now. And I'm handling the fall-out.

One thing I experienced last night was this---I curled up on my new chaise lounge, ivory, with plum colored pillows and a matching throw that's softer than a chincilla, ready to read the next chapter in Eat, Pray, Love, and felt my eyelids getting heavy. Sitting a few feet away was my son, who was getting a video cued up, a dance group called, "Remote Control" appeared on the screen. Three men, spray-painted gold, in their 3 piece suits, began moving to electronic music. They jerked to the beat of the music, moving their bodies like robots, or better yet, like action figures, with joints that will go in ANY direction. The kind that adults and kids alike will put in unnatural poses, and then laugh at the hideousness hilarity a deformity. Like a fat warrior who can put his sword up his ass, while his shield is stuck between his legs, bent over backwards, with his head cocked to the side. On a relateable note-And that is exactly how I have felt for the past couple of years. Just because I can twist into a strange position, doesn't make it good.
So, we're watching this video together, my daughter joins us, and I am amazed. These aren't just good dancers, they are quintessentially in charge of their bodies. It's beautiful to watch such mastery. After each move, I utter, "Oh my God, that's amazing! Look at his legs! That's CRAZY!" My son responds after about my fifteenth, expression, "I know, I know..." He sounds a bit irritated at my repititious glee, so I become quiet. I guess he wants me to watch in silence. That's hard for me...I like to say what I'm thinking. After a few minutes pass, "Mom, what do you think?"
"Well, I think they are amazing, I'm being quiet now though, because you said, "I know, I know...mom" and it sounded like you were irritated with my constant comments."
"Oh, I"m sorry. You can tell me what you think. Which one is your favorite?"
The guy on the right had just done a solo. He was really good. "I like this guy on the right."
"Just wait mom, The guy on the left is better. You'll see."
He was right, the guy on the left did some freaky things, he looked like he was suspending himself on one leg, above the ground, and then getting electrocuted. Not that electrocution is something you wanna see. But that is the only thing I can think of to express what it looked like. The guy vibrated his hands and arms. And he was gold, and electrical music was playing.....
Next, I wanted to see what the guys really looked like. (They had been wearing masks.)
So, google images search took care of the mystery.
After that, I slid back on my chaise lounge to read, while brother and sister began watching silly videos. I thought I should get up and take my sleep medication, but I was too sleepy to get up. "Well, when I wake up, unable to sleep, I'll take it." I thought.
An hour or so later, loud music blared, not sure how much time had passed, I simply asked, "Could you turn it down a little?"
It felt like 3 hours, but it had only been about 20 minutes. The deep slumber I had last night was marvelous. I did wake up a few times, feeling a little too warm, but was able to go back to sleep, fairly well. I had one pretty bad dream, but compared to the ones I've had over the past two years, it was mild, and didn't keep me awake.
I've found myself writing in my head a whole lot the past couple of weeks. I think of a simple line to start out with, something that encompasses what is going on in my life, but I haven't had the courage or desire to see my own thoughts on the paper.
This morning, though, I feel a breakthrough.
I realized that I sleep best when I know my children are safe.
That is why I didn't need any sleep medicine last night.
I had been told that they are suffering from serious mental and psychological abuse by their father. Several experts have detailed this to me. And it's on-going.
What I am witnessing is that my children are strong, resilient, and are going through this very difficult chapter of their lives, together. TOGETHER.
It's nearly a repeat of my adolesence. The middle child, the peace-maker, was the last to leave my home...and she's not going for herself, she's going to try and please someone else. I so understand this motivation and action.
I feel for her, but I know that she had to find her own voice, just as I found mine. Walking through tough terrain makes tough feet, and builds muscle.

Bats

Everything is done.
Clothes washed
Kitchen clean
Lesson Plans written.
And now there is a space for nothing
So I let nothing be here.
And in it I find hope
and wishes emerging
Of a new life.
Not my will
But something far bigger.
All I have to do is
strike the steel bat at
doubts and fears
so The Hope will flood my world.

Daily, small brown-faced bats dive into my
serene world.
Their radar hears my unasked questions.
Of "why?" and "how did...?" and the ultimate
dream killer, "what if...?"
They carry a poision, that feeds my fears.
Their goal, to swoop down and bite my neck, inject
potent, concentrated fear.
Today, I am ready for them.
Because it's my world, damn it.
Not theirs!



My simple, uncluttered world.
With a wood stove
and small kitchen
and a bathtub that needs repair.
Those things don't really matter.
Because peace is not in the design
on my kitchen floor
Or the rust stained bathtub
or the hole in the shower wall.
Peace is in my heart. And it will stay there
as long as I fight to keep away
the low flying bats.
I must keep a small stick in my back pocket
to ward off those little critters.
I must go now, out into my wet, foggy
front yard, to look for a stick
to put in my back pocket.
Have a nice day.

The hole

He’s at the bottom of a hole.


Will you put down the shovel?
And take a hold of the ladder rung.
The first one is the hardest.


“The hole is deep. It doesn’t seem like there is a way out.”
Hearing of his hopelessness, oh, so hard.


But, a ray of hope. When asked, “Who is someone who could help you?”


“It would be my
Sister.”
The sister that people used to ask him about
“Is she your twin?”
The sister that he laid beside in the backseat of the van on long trips to Kentucky,  and in chorus said, “Cockadoddledoo” when they went under the bridge.
The sister that put make-up on him,
And polished his nails
And recently, shaped his bushy eyebrows.
The sister that he says is his friend.
This sister.


The one that has been depressed and anxious since he moved out.
Separating siblings is probably one of the hardest things a child can go through.


Seeing them both suffer, and not being able to do anything about it, has been like a stone around my neck, that swings and hits every part of my heart.


Watching him wander, stumble, and fall…..over and over.
Watching her slide into a pit of despair, unable to eat or sleep or laugh….for days.
Is a mother’s pain.
There is none other to compare.


I constantly remind myself of Mary’s sacrifice of her son.
The pain she endured…. I cannot even imagine.


This gives me a special kind of comfort.


She cries with me. She pulls me into her arms and says, “I know your pain.”
I trust that this sacrifice is forming a man that would otherwise never be made.


I pray.


And I know Mary, Joseph, the angels, my mother, my grandmother, Jesus, and God hear me. My family prays with me, for me, and for him.

But the important thing is, I pray.